anything else?

anything else?

no

probs not

aaaa don't think so

na

ummmmmm

that's the question

 all of these were my usual answers

so how to start?

i feel like i'm lost.

i really don't have words.

all i want to do is leave,

move on,

go somewhere great.

but where?

but what?

i'm at a loss for answers.

a loss for ideas.

i want to do what i want to do.

be me.

i might have no direction, but i guess i'll have to figure that out.

nostalgia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kDbSQTF--U

nights

i remember summer nights,

burnt pizza,

flamming cardboard.

i remember restless nights waiting for the toothfairy. 

i remember warm nights we slept on the tramp,

but got attacked by a monkeys so we slept inside. 

i remember staying up late to have super smash bro tournaments.

i remeber late nights and early soccer fans.

i fell in love with your smile.
your laugh.
your spirit.

i fell in love with you.

but i don't know if you saw it...

my heart.

but it was there. it was yours.

i guess i waited too long.

i was too scared, i'd never felt this before.

then everything changed in what seemed to be a day.

but know i see you light up with her, and i catch myself smiling because you're smiling, happy because you're happy.

and i love that.

if it's not me then,

okay.

i'd rather have you be happy.

Sorry Walt...you're out $50

over spring break i went to disney world with the productions company. we thought it would be funny to do fake proposals while we were there... well this boy and i got nominated.

so we walked up the on-coming disney traffic and stopped in the middle of a four way street.

then he started his speech, it followed 

"Sabrina, the past 8 months have been the best months of my life. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else..."

(he got down on one knee)then said...

"Will you marry me Sabrina?"

side note:

what was going through my head

"HOLY CRAP! There are a billion 

people staring at me...

pretty sure that girl's 

putting me on her story..."

then the actress inside me worked up some fake tears

   side note:

they were tears of fear...

"Please bless people believe this!"

and I said "YES!"

one squeal set off a band of cheers. then all of a sudden this fabulous worker, who saw the whole thing happen, started crying and told us not to move.He scurried away to get us something...

 

side note:

"Ooo...a present.

This is going better 

than expected."

my friends surrounded us with fake "congratulations" and "let me see the ring!" then another worker came out of the disney shop and asked us if we just got engaged. i said "yes" through happy tears and she told us to follow her.

side note:

i was like... oh my gosh

where is she taking us? 

they are gonna ask as to kiss

and i've never even held a 

boys hand before!

as we were following her into the disney store, she turned around with a hesitant look and said "she said yes right?" then i answered once again through now more of a happy laugh, "yes!" she then went behind the counter and got as Mickey engagement ears!

side note:

these ears are $25 a piece

#justrippedoffdisney

as we were walking out, the fabulous worker who had scurried off, found us (by this time had calmed down a little)

and he handed us "Happily ever after" disney pins.

side note:

i was thinking great i just lied 

at the happiest place on earth

after we had gotten our ears and pins we walked back outside onto the street where "the engagement" took place, so we thought it was only right to ask the fabulous worker (who had given us free stuff!)to take a picture with the "Happy couple" #bestieswiththefabman

side note:

all i was thinking was lets 

get the heck out of here!!!

as we were taking pictures the girl who had given us our wedding ears stated talking to my friends and then started crying because "she was so happy that she could work at such a magical place!"

we finally said our goodbyes and walked away. this had gotten out of hand. as we left we took a wrong turn and landed at a dead end. so off we went back through our engagement path. we couldn't take off our hats either in fear someone would find out we were fakes. so we got out of the park asap with tons of disney workers telling us "Congratulations!" 

our little joke,did not stay as little as we had thought. even though it was fake it was the scariest thing ever and have deiced i don't want to get married until i'm older, and i will never get engaged in a public place.#toomanysnapstories

 

 

i guess this is it

this is me.

i'm a real person.
i've said this before...what you see is what you get.
that doesn't mean i don't have a deep personality.

i'm not smart in school.
math, english, and science just goes over my head.

but, i like to think i'm smart in people.
and i rather understand people's pains, fears, loves, hopes, and dreams; then some function to find the intersection of the slope of a triangle thats has a velocity of 5.37

i'm not the girl that says no to ice cream because she's "full" knowing that she's starving inside and would want nothing more then a big bowl.
i want to taste the cold, sweet "ben and jerry's tonight dough" running down my throat into my stomach that automatically puts a smile on my face.

i dress modestly.  
not because my parents make me, 
but because i respect myself.
i respect the boys i love.
i respect my Heavenly Fathers creations.

i have a big heart, and i'm pretty open, but if you break it its hard to back in.

i love walking along a south carolina ocean.
when the waters warm, your feet sink into the sand, the sunsetting, and you're totally free.

i'm not a writer,
i've only written 3 papers in my life by myself. 

i love one direction. honestly, if i have a bad day they're there for me. that might sound dumb to you, but this is me.  

i love my family. i really do.
they're my best friends.

i'm LDS and i love my Heavenly Father.
i trust him with everything inside me.

this is me.
i'm not Lottie De Tommen.

I'm Sabrina.

dealing with my losses

sometime i feel like i have 1 win to 10 losses,

and it's not like losses just brush off easy.
they hurt.
they show you, your weaknesses.

even scarier, losses show others your weaknesses.
your fears.
your pain.

but honestly, i'm done being scared of showing my emotions.

i'm normally a happy person,
but that does not mean i don't have bad days.

so why do people expect me to put on my "happy mask" right after a loss,
a loss that hurt me.
a loss that shaped me.

you can only bottle stuff up for so long before you explode.

thats not healthy.

so forgive me for having a bad day,
or i'm not smiling 24-7,

but i'm just trying to turn this loss into a win.

Fears

I'm scared. 

I'm scared of the dark

I'm scared of growing up

I'm scared of the ocean

I'm scared of big animals

I'm scared of robbers 

I'm scared of the future 

I'm scared of drowning 

I'm scared of not being loved

I get it's probably dumb to fear these things 

but they're real fears.

They're my fears. 

I AM HUMAN

i struggle
i've had my heart broken
i've had my dreams crushed

but this is what makes me human.

i rather struggle and end up a better person,
love and get my heart broken,
and watch my dream shatter,

then go day to day
with my head down,
phone out,
headphones in,
world blocked out,
my body numb, 
my heart numb,
a soulless shell of metal.

so i keep snuggling,
keep loving,
keep dreaming,

and one day, it will all pay off.

i will be powerful.
i will be loved.
i will live my dreams.

im different

i'm different.

i show people the real me.
i don't hide.

i trust god.
i know him.

i love with my whole heart.

i will forgive.

i will comfort.

i will hug.

this is me,
i'm me, 
and i'm okay with that.

lets color

lets color

never grow up

ever since i was little i have always wanted to be older

i thought i that maybe when i was finally in high school i'd have a boyfriend, a cute lime green bug with daisy spinners, i would be smart, and everyone would love me.

nope.

now i wish i was a little girl with no decisions to make. boys didn't break your heart, grades weren't everything, you didn't have to work, and college wasn't just around the corner. 

the only thing that matter was friends, barbies, and coloring.

lets go back.

please?

my walls

my walls are built high.

i'm scared,
i'm scared i'm going to get hurt.

am i?

but here's the thing,

you break my walls down 
you open me up 

and not by words 

just by looking into my eyes

i'm safe.
i'm harm.
i'm peaceful. 

and if i'm not strong in some spots, 
you build me up,
you make me stronger. 

and i love that.
i do.

i love being open with you.
i love making jokes that only we get.
i love when you know that i'm not feeling good.
i love that one look at me and i have an never-ending happiness.
i love that you push me to be better.   

i love you.

thats so scary 

ALL THE WALLS I BUILT GONE. 
EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT ME THEY SHATTER.
AH I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL I CAN'T BE "in love"

so why does my happiness depend on seeing you?  

i hate this,
cause it's all one-sided. 
so every time you look at me, i'm working so hard to build my walls up, while you're breaking them down with a simple look.

i feel like i'm stacking papers one-by-one on a windy day, 
getting nowhere, but i keep stacking hoping that one day the wind will stop. 

but you're fine with just playing with me.
you don't get it.
you don't understand how deep i'm in over my head.

so i'll stop.
i'm done being hurt.
time to move on.
i'm letting go.

you are truly the greatest friend, just nothing more.

the brick of disappointment

thats me

it's like you never make them happy

you're never what there looking for

you don't fit there bricks

and they keep breaking you down to make you fit

but guess what

i don't fit

i don't want to fit

if i'm not good enough for you

being me

then you're not worth my time

hey how about instead of breaking me down to fit your mold 

build me up and look at me a different way 

i'm freaking abstract art

get use to it

if you don't like me move on

cause i guarantee

that someone is going to come along

and they will want to use me to build there life     

and they will recognize 

that i'm beautiful and perfect just the way i am

x.

if only

when i see you my heart jumps
when our arms brush it's like lighting 
when you touch my hand my heart goes mock 90
when you look into my eyes it's like you see the real me
you're soft and kind and caring, trust worthy, funny, gentle, loving
i could go on forever
you make me feel like arriving at a beach and all you want to do is to run into the ocean.
my thoughts run scattered when i'm with you yet talking with you is easy.
dreaming of your hugs
dancing with you.
having our own high school musical 3
when i'm literally having the worst day all i have to do is see you because your smile.
your smile lights up my whole world
it's easy to be with you
and i know if i snort while laughing you will just laugh harder which makes me happier 
or if i cry you wont think oh... you're "dramatic" you'll hold me tell i stop
or when you make your cute little faces that make me laugh
i don't even know how to describe it other than my heart burning inside me
you make me happy
really happy
i only wish you knew.

if it's real love

what am i to do if you wont tell me?

wait?

longing?

hoping?

why should i?

i should move on.

but is that fair?

to try to love someone else, 

even though you're in love with another?

you wont.

you cant.

love

is

love

 it wont let you

so let love fill you, surround you, engulf you

your heart is there's to break

it always was

and forever will be.

hats? hats.

Hats? Hats.

why do we wear hats? 

bad hair day
favorite sports team
style
dream car brand
favorite band

but what if hats where a way to 
cover-up...
blend in...
hide...

like everyones hat was a fake smile they hide behind

scared to show who they are.

then i say...

go all graduation cap on that hat! 
show the world YOU not some fake smile
dance like you're the only one in the world
sing at the top of your lungs

BE YOU.

don't let the world hat you

me

okay im just gonna be real.

my families is my life

without them i would be lost

im so scared of the future

im inlove with someone

but they dont even know

my dream is to get into byu 

i didnt apply  

i love, love stories

i have never written a paper by myself  

every animal i have ever wanted ive been allergic to

my heavenly father is my best friend

im not fake

what you see is what you get

i love to laugh

i go to church every week

without my parents asking me to

i love naps

ive never kissed anyone

but family

i love the stars

im scared of big animals

im scared of the ocean

but my favorite place in the world is the beach

i love airplanes

i want a volkswagen rabbit

the keys is, unlock it with love.

bliss, a simple word

that holds never ending happiness