lets color

lets color

never grow up

ever since i was little i have always wanted to be older

i thought i that maybe when i was finally in high school i'd have a boyfriend, a cute lime green bug with daisy spinners, i would be smart, and everyone would love me.

nope.

now i wish i was a little girl with no decisions to make. boys didn't break your heart, grades weren't everything, you didn't have to work, and college wasn't just around the corner. 

the only thing that matter was friends, barbies, and coloring.

lets go back.

please?

my walls

my walls are built high.

i'm scared,
i'm scared i'm going to get hurt.

am i?

but here's the thing,

you break my walls down 
you open me up 

and not by words 

just by looking into my eyes

i'm safe.
i'm harm.
i'm peaceful. 

and if i'm not strong in some spots, 
you build me up,
you make me stronger. 

and i love that.
i do.

i love being open with you.
i love making jokes that only we get.
i love when you know that i'm not feeling good.
i love that one look at me and i have an never-ending happiness.
i love that you push me to be better.   

i love you.

thats so scary 

ALL THE WALLS I BUILT GONE. 
EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT ME THEY SHATTER.
AH I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL I CAN'T BE "in love"

so why does my happiness depend on seeing you?  

i hate this,
cause it's all one-sided. 
so every time you look at me, i'm working so hard to build my walls up, while you're breaking them down with a simple look.

i feel like i'm stacking papers one-by-one on a windy day, 
getting nowhere, but i keep stacking hoping that one day the wind will stop. 

but you're fine with just playing with me.
you don't get it.
you don't understand how deep i'm in over my head.

so i'll stop.
i'm done being hurt.
time to move on.
i'm letting go.

you are truly the greatest friend, just nothing more.

the brick of disappointment

thats me

it's like you never make them happy

you're never what there looking for

you don't fit there bricks

and they keep breaking you down to make you fit

but guess what

i don't fit

i don't want to fit

if i'm not good enough for you

being me

then you're not worth my time

hey how about instead of breaking me down to fit your mold 

build me up and look at me a different way 

i'm freaking abstract art

get use to it

if you don't like me move on

cause i guarantee

that someone is going to come along

and they will want to use me to build there life     

and they will recognize 

that i'm beautiful and perfect just the way i am

x.

if only

when i see you my heart jumps
when our arms brush it's like lighting 
when you touch my hand my heart goes mock 90
when you look into my eyes it's like you see the real me
you're soft and kind and caring, trust worthy, funny, gentle, loving
i could go on forever
you make me feel like arriving at a beach and all you want to do is to run into the ocean.
my thoughts run scattered when i'm with you yet talking with you is easy.
dreaming of your hugs
dancing with you.
having our own high school musical 3
when i'm literally having the worst day all i have to do is see you because your smile.
your smile lights up my whole world
it's easy to be with you
and i know if i snort while laughing you will just laugh harder which makes me happier 
or if i cry you wont think oh... you're "dramatic" you'll hold me tell i stop
or when you make your cute little faces that make me laugh
i don't even know how to describe it other than my heart burning inside me
you make me happy
really happy
i only wish you knew.

if it's real love

what am i to do if you wont tell me?

wait?

longing?

hoping?

why should i?

i should move on.

but is that fair?

to try to love someone else, 

even though you're in love with another?

you wont.

you cant.

love

is

love

 it wont let you

so let love fill you, surround you, engulf you

your heart is there's to break

it always was

and forever will be.

hats? hats.

Hats? Hats.

why do we wear hats? 

bad hair day
favorite sports team
style
dream car brand
favorite band

but what if hats where a way to 
cover-up...
blend in...
hide...

like everyones hat was a fake smile they hide behind

scared to show who they are.

then i say...

go all graduation cap on that hat! 
show the world YOU not some fake smile
dance like you're the only one in the world
sing at the top of your lungs

BE YOU.

don't let the world hat you

me

okay im just gonna be real.

my families is my life

without them i would be lost

im so scared of the future

im inlove with someone

but they dont even know

my dream is to get into byu 

i didnt apply  

i love, love stories

i have never written a paper by myself  

every animal i have ever wanted ive been allergic to

my heavenly father is my best friend

im not fake

what you see is what you get

i love to laugh

i go to church every week

without my parents asking me to

i love naps

ive never kissed anyone

but family

i love the stars

im scared of big animals

im scared of the ocean

but my favorite place in the world is the beach

i love airplanes

i want a volkswagen rabbit