anything else?

anything else?

no

probs not

aaaa don't think so

na

ummmmmm

that's the question

 all of these were my usual answers

so how to start?

i feel like i'm lost.

i really don't have words.

all i want to do is leave,

move on,

go somewhere great.

but where?

but what?

i'm at a loss for answers.

a loss for ideas.

i want to do what i want to do.

be me.

i might have no direction, but i guess i'll have to figure that out.

nostalgia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kDbSQTF--U

nights

i remember summer nights,

burnt pizza,

flamming cardboard.

i remember restless nights waiting for the toothfairy. 

i remember warm nights we slept on the tramp,

but got attacked by a monkeys so we slept inside. 

i remember staying up late to have super smash bro tournaments.

i remeber late nights and early soccer fans.

i fell in love with your smile.
your laugh.
your spirit.

i fell in love with you.

but i don't know if you saw it...

my heart.

but it was there. it was yours.

i guess i waited too long.

i was too scared, i'd never felt this before.

then everything changed in what seemed to be a day.

but know i see you light up with her, and i catch myself smiling because you're smiling, happy because you're happy.

and i love that.

if it's not me then,

okay.

i'd rather have you be happy.

Sorry Walt...you're out $50

over spring break i went to disney world with the productions company. we thought it would be funny to do fake proposals while we were there... well this boy and i got nominated.

so we walked up the on-coming disney traffic and stopped in the middle of a four way street.

then he started his speech, it followed 

"Sabrina, the past 8 months have been the best months of my life. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else..."

(he got down on one knee)then said...

"Will you marry me Sabrina?"

side note:

what was going through my head

"HOLY CRAP! There are a billion 

people staring at me...

pretty sure that girl's 

putting me on her story..."

then the actress inside me worked up some fake tears

   side note:

they were tears of fear...

"Please bless people believe this!"

and I said "YES!"

one squeal set off a band of cheers. then all of a sudden this fabulous worker, who saw the whole thing happen, started crying and told us not to move.He scurried away to get us something...

 

side note:

"Ooo...a present.

This is going better 

than expected."

my friends surrounded us with fake "congratulations" and "let me see the ring!" then another worker came out of the disney shop and asked us if we just got engaged. i said "yes" through happy tears and she told us to follow her.

side note:

i was like... oh my gosh

where is she taking us? 

they are gonna ask as to kiss

and i've never even held a 

boys hand before!

as we were following her into the disney store, she turned around with a hesitant look and said "she said yes right?" then i answered once again through now more of a happy laugh, "yes!" she then went behind the counter and got as Mickey engagement ears!

side note:

these ears are $25 a piece

#justrippedoffdisney

as we were walking out, the fabulous worker who had scurried off, found us (by this time had calmed down a little)

and he handed us "Happily ever after" disney pins.

side note:

i was thinking great i just lied 

at the happiest place on earth

after we had gotten our ears and pins we walked back outside onto the street where "the engagement" took place, so we thought it was only right to ask the fabulous worker (who had given us free stuff!)to take a picture with the "Happy couple" #bestieswiththefabman

side note:

all i was thinking was lets 

get the heck out of here!!!

as we were taking pictures the girl who had given us our wedding ears stated talking to my friends and then started crying because "she was so happy that she could work at such a magical place!"

we finally said our goodbyes and walked away. this had gotten out of hand. as we left we took a wrong turn and landed at a dead end. so off we went back through our engagement path. we couldn't take off our hats either in fear someone would find out we were fakes. so we got out of the park asap with tons of disney workers telling us "Congratulations!" 

our little joke,did not stay as little as we had thought. even though it was fake it was the scariest thing ever and have deiced i don't want to get married until i'm older, and i will never get engaged in a public place.#toomanysnapstories

 

 

i guess this is it

this is me.

i'm a real person.
i've said this before...what you see is what you get.
that doesn't mean i don't have a deep personality.

i'm not smart in school.
math, english, and science just goes over my head.

but, i like to think i'm smart in people.
and i rather understand people's pains, fears, loves, hopes, and dreams; then some function to find the intersection of the slope of a triangle thats has a velocity of 5.37

i'm not the girl that says no to ice cream because she's "full" knowing that she's starving inside and would want nothing more then a big bowl.
i want to taste the cold, sweet "ben and jerry's tonight dough" running down my throat into my stomach that automatically puts a smile on my face.

i dress modestly.  
not because my parents make me, 
but because i respect myself.
i respect the boys i love.
i respect my Heavenly Fathers creations.

i have a big heart, and i'm pretty open, but if you break it its hard to back in.

i love walking along a south carolina ocean.
when the waters warm, your feet sink into the sand, the sunsetting, and you're totally free.

i'm not a writer,
i've only written 3 papers in my life by myself. 

i love one direction. honestly, if i have a bad day they're there for me. that might sound dumb to you, but this is me.  

i love my family. i really do.
they're my best friends.

i'm LDS and i love my Heavenly Father.
i trust him with everything inside me.

this is me.
i'm not Lottie De Tommen.

I'm Sabrina.

dealing with my losses

sometime i feel like i have 1 win to 10 losses,

and it's not like losses just brush off easy.
they hurt.
they show you, your weaknesses.

even scarier, losses show others your weaknesses.
your fears.
your pain.

but honestly, i'm done being scared of showing my emotions.

i'm normally a happy person,
but that does not mean i don't have bad days.

so why do people expect me to put on my "happy mask" right after a loss,
a loss that hurt me.
a loss that shaped me.

you can only bottle stuff up for so long before you explode.

thats not healthy.

so forgive me for having a bad day,
or i'm not smiling 24-7,

but i'm just trying to turn this loss into a win.